A Blog War to End All Blog Wars

I’ve seen ripped off works before.  Whether it was Avatar, Lady Gaga, or anything Dane Cook has ever said, I’ve seen rip offs.  But I’ve never seen a more blatant and horrifying case of stolen property than I have today.  Here I was all dandy on a sweet vacation just enjoying myself with womanly drinks and finger food, when I get a notification more horrendous than Rosie O’Donnell’s weight loss plan.  Some assholes made a carbon copy of our blog, but a grade-A douchebag version.  This egregious blog is an exact color-copy of ours, but much worse.  This egregious blog is the Mini-Me to our Doctor Evil.  This egregious blog is the 8 oz Coke Zero to our Olympic Special Edition Coke.  This egregious blog is their Milwaukee’s Best Light to our Keystone.  This egregious blog is Simple Jack to our Forest Gump.  This egregious blog is the Richmond to our UVA.  This egregious blog is a 9 month pregnant Jessica Simpson to our Kate Upton.  This egregious blog is their “Mike’s Masturbation Guide” to our Kama Sutra.  This egregious blog is a fucking hack blog, not to mention a complete rip-off, to our creative and genuine Under The Bleacher Report.  At least get your own goddamn look, I mean for the sake of God’s Green Earth, if you had a fragment of originality in any of your un-athletic bones you would have at least changed the fucking format.  I want a written apology from all of you jamokes.  On the upside of things, I always wanted to be in a war but never in the actually military, so now I get to take part in a blog war if that means anything.  It is a shame that our opponents write and form sentences at a 4^th grade level, have zero originality, and also have a deadly allergy to humor. I am not even going to report any sports news, so I guess that makes me Chris Berman. 

-Blaine Swaggert