A Return to the Sports World

I have been gone from the sports world for quite awhile.  What else can you expect, I just watched the sports franchise I hate most go knuckle-deep in my beloved Patriots and once again ruin a season.  I have not faced a single Sportcenter highlight, read a football related news-line, or even read ESPN since.  However, I have been getting ripped on for not posting so I suppose I need to enter the fucked up and cruel world of sports once again.  Let me glance at some headlines...

Knicks' Stoudemire Back, will Play Tuesday

Who cares about a stereotypical NBA player when you have Jeremy Lin prancing around making a 38 point night look easier than his 10th grade BC Calc Exam.   Moving on.  *(RIP Hazell Stoudemire)*

Judge sides with Sandusky on Grandkids


What Judge would allow Sandusky to visit his grandparents.  I wouldn't let Sandusky touch any grandparents, including his own, with a 80 foot pole.  Besides, this subject is too touchy.

Moss says he plans on return to NFL

Here we fucking go.  The Golden God of catching himself, Randy Moss, is coming out of retirement.  You know it's special when a verb is named after a player- "Ohhh, sheeiittt you just got Moss'd pussy."  The only other players who have verbs named after them are Tebow and Ray Lewis.  Ray's verb is a little less well known: "Michel Jackson was Ray Lewis'd by his doctor" or "Tiger Woods totally Ray Lewis'd his marriage...and probably one or two hookers" I digress.  The man who has hands softer than lotion-soaked Chinse ribbon silk wants to play him some foozeball again.  The man who paid his 50,000 dollar fine in straight cash, homie', is coming back to the gridiron.  The stallion who caught 23 TD's in a season is coming back to the field.  The man who fucking owns his own Truck Racing company is coming back to play football.  The man who deliberately ran over a traffic cop in Minnesota is coming back to torture cornerbacks.  Oh fuck, I just read down the article a little bit further, "Randy made this announcement for his 35th birthday surprise".....nevermind I guess.
      -Blaine Swaggert