NFL's Divisional Round In Review

The NFL has really been fun to watch recently, and even more fun to blog about.  It seems fitting to make a little series of posts based off each NFL playoff round, so I'm calling this post the sequel to my Wild Card Review post.  Let's jump in.

Denver Tebows @ New England Patriots


I know Tebow told the media he hasn't swiped his V-Card yet, but all that just changed - Tom Brady popped Tebow's cherry with his throwing arm Saturday night.  It was glorious, and now Brady is once again sitting on a throne surrounded by his Victoria Secret sex maven looking down upon his disciples.  If you're looking for some actual football analyze you won't get it regarding this game because anyone can recognize a damn good beatdown.

Interesting side note: The Female viewer demographic between the ages 18-24 spiked 94 % for this game.

Score: 45-10 Patriots

Houston Texans @ Baltimore Ravens

Baltimore was supposed to win, and they did, but theres something about them that scares me.  It's like this weird feeling I can't shake, maybe it is because the defensive players on their team have very literally murdered people, not really sure. Anyways, credit to the Texans for actually making it a close game despite getting plagued by injuries and losing their sure to be a first ballot Hall of Famer Matt Lineart (God Bless).  Anyway, this game happened far away, was kinda boring, and certainly the least fun game of the divisional playoff round.

Side Note: What the fuck is going on? Why does everyone (Sports Center) recognize Ray Lewis as this incredible mentor figure to younger NFL players? Who in their right mind would want a murderer and freak of nature like Ray Lewis mentoring them? And why is the NFL condoning this?

Score: 20-13 Ravens

New Orleans Saints @ San Francisco 49'ers 


The first upset of the weekend, but this one didn't shock me.  Here's why:  Drew Brees has been babied all season (he played 12 games indoors), the Saints offense production has been far worse in outside games, the 49'ers are blue collar as fuck, Jim Harbaugh could kick my ass, Jim Harbaugh is the most handsome coach in the league, Jim Harbaugh almost dismembers other coaches during during postgame handshakes, Jim Harbaugh is the fucking man, Jim Harbaugh has been reported to have a 11 inch penis, and the 49'ers have gritty defense that keeps the pace slow.  I'd say about 3 to 4 of the reasons I gave actually apply to the game, and why the Saints loss.  Sorry.

Score: 36-32 San Fran

New York Giants @ Green Bay Packers


I just got back from watching this game with 3 huge Giants fan friends of mine, and boy were they soaking it in.  So last post I did I hinted at the Giants having an opportunity to win this game, and boy oh boy the Giants took advantage of that opportunity. Eli looked sharp, D looked solid, but mainly the Packers offense looked sorta like what I'd imagine they would look like after a New Years Eve party - really really hungover.  I mean by football standards they were: Lost a game, sat their starters, then had a bye week.  Thats one mean football hangover, and it happened right as the Giants were peaking.  What a disaster for Green Bay.


Side Note: At one point I got a very real sense that there was foul play going on with some of these calls.

Score: 37-20 Giants





-Blaine Swaggert