Wild-Card Round in Review

UTBR has been a bit quiet lately because of the midterms and extensive schoolwork (also Hanging With Friends has consumed hours of my life), but I feel the need to write about this great wild card week in the NFL.  How did I enjoy some of the wild card rounds? Well, thank you for asking.  I actually watched the Lions-Saints game in the presence of Rodney "Helmet to Helmet" Harrison and his Ol' Pal Tony Dungy at 30 Rock, but enough about how incredible that experience was for me and onto the games.

Falcons VS Giants: 


Look, I've made it clear numerous times on this blog, I hate the Giants a whole bunch, but I'll give credit where credit is due.  The Giants played lights out against the Falcons.  Their defense sodomized the Falcons while the entire Meadowlands watched.  Horrific stuff.  Eli Manning looked like a more than capable QB and connected for TD's three times.  Here's what scares me so much - The Giants always seem to gain this post season momentum.  They're peaking right as the Packers are cooling down.  I'm not saying the Giants will win (Hint: They probably won't), but this is as good a time as ever.

                                                                     Score: 24-2 Giants



Lions VS Saints:

If Tim Tebow's virgin penis was crafted by God, then Drew Brees' throwing arm must have been crafted by the Devil because it rapes and pillages cornerbacks every Holy Day on primetime television.  The man has game, and the Saints offense as a whole is stupid good.  On the bright-side for the Lions: Calvin "Megatron" Johnson is a large black man amongst boys, and when Stafford isn't holding a red solo cup he is gunslinging out there.

Score: 28-45 Saints


Pittsburgh VS Denver:


God has a great sense of humor.  I don't really know what to write about this since Sportscenter has already dumped at least 40 hours of coverage into it.  Give Big Ben one more week for the ankle, as well as plenty of pornography before the game to prevent distraction, and I'd take Steelers 10 times out of 10.  Looks like Tomlin forget a routine bus stop at the shady 7-11.

Score: 23-29 Denver

Cincinnati VS Houston:


I thought it was going to be a lot closer, but I guess we all learned something about Dalton and Yates, or maybe rookie quarterbacks in general, they're inconsistent and unreliable.  Sure, Yates played better, but I could also throw anything within 15 yards of Andre Johnson and get a touchdown pass and then hand the ball of to Arian "Fantasy Machine" Foster. I think its safe to say this game is boring, not interesting, took place somewhere far away that I've never been too, and overall the weakness to the week.  I'm just going to search the web for an embarrassing photo of Andy Dalton.  Yup, this should work.

Score: 10-31 Houston

-Blaine Swaggert

Thanks to Jack Lazarus for this weekend.