An Athletes Shot At Reality Stardom

It has become clear that Kim Kardashian has taken a likening to shitty professional football and basketball players, whether it is the always horribly average/injured Reggie Bush from Pizza Hut Commercial hall of fame, or Kris (Yes he spells it this way) Humphries and his career 5.6 Points per Game, she loves those mediocre professional athletes.  So, I've decided to make a pros and cons list of reasonable athletes for her to drag around and play dress up with on her obnoxious reality show.

Marshawn Lynch

Clinical Genius

Pros: Average career with 3.7 yards on average and 28 TD's, and he can go what he calls "beast mode", and I'm 100% positive that "beast mode" applies in the bedroom. And can't everyone picture Marshawn going ape shit about some silly Kardashian dispute in one of their episodes?  Just straight up flipping fancy red maple dinner tables and getting all up in Bruce's face, thats golden television right there.

Cons: He is actually too smart for any Kardashian, yes thats correct.  He scored a 42 on his Wonderlic test, which, Christ on a cracker, is equivalent to an 144 IQ.

Nate Robinson

Nate-Dog is an absolutely adorable PG standing in at 5ft 9in, and is playing for the Oklahoma City Thunder.  He has turned in such stats 6.8 Points per Game last season.  Lets weigh his pros and cons.

Pros: Does not even start, so he is appears perfectly average enough from Kim.  Kim could also just put him into one of those little dog-holder bags and just bring him to red carpet events. 

Cons: He happens to be a 3-time Slam Dunk Champion because society has deemed it necessary, due to too many Disney movies, to favor the underdog. So he is just too downright showy and might take too much attention from Kim.

Lamar Odom

Lamar Odom is a great basketball player, and is also married to another Kardashian sister, Klhoe.  So these odds seem to be stacking up against him, however, he is certainly the most reasonable athlete to date Kim next.  Heres why,

The "cow" of the Kardashian Family

Literally every single living organism who has ever stumbled upon E!'s Keeping Up With The Kardashians is appalled when the camera man is forced to pan-over to Klhoe due to contract reasons.  She is hideous, and it doesn't help she is surrounded by beautiful women all the time.  If I had to shack up with either the mother, Kris Kardashian, or Klhoe Kardashian, there is not even hesitation, Momma Kardashian all the way.  Marrying Khloe is on my To-Do list right behind sticking batteries in my urethra while rubbing wasabi into my eye balls.  Khloe is that foul, and I'm sure Lamar is regretting marrying her for reality stardom.  So now that there is no NBA season and Lamar needs to make a splash, he is certainly going to make a move for Kim, and E! will title it, Kim Kardashian's New Fairtytale Romance, and god damn it will be television history.

-Blaine Swaggert