It’s Sunday, and in America that means good old
pigskin. Tonight’s primetime game
is between the Philadelphia Eagles and the New York Giants. Now, although the Eagles have been on
their knees this whole season, this game is still going to be wet and
wild. First of all, we all know
the entire Giants special teams defense cannot wait to get its ankles shattered
all over again, and Vick’s ribs are more tender than luxurious Chinese ribbon
silk. A lot of fun random factors
in this matchup, so I am going to break it down a bit.
Quarterbacks:
Vince Young, Eagles- I doubt Vick’s sorry ass has shown up for a full game of snaps this whole season, so it’s no surprise his
bitch rib injury is keeping him out.
Now this means the one and only Vince Young is leading a team that’s in
more disarray than his own NFL career onto the field. Letting Vince’s lifeless corpse play QB is no better than
picking some fan out of the god damn stands. Well, actually Vince playing might be worse
because most NFL fans don’t runaway from practice facilities, or throw their
shoulder pads and jersey into the stands after losing a game.
Eli Manning, Giants- With Eli very slowly learning the basic math equation,
‘Throwing off your back foot when running away from pressure = Interception”,
he will most likely put up some decent numbers while keeping up his huge pussy
persona. Keep in mind Eli is against a group of corners that have taken it
upon themselves to tarnish any impressive performances from last year.
Then again, I also hate Eli with a passion, so heres hoping Trent “The Hunter”
Cole blasts Eli’s kidneys with his facemask.
Running Backs:
LeSean McCoy, Eagles- LeSean has been defining the
term electric all season, and will most likely continue doing so against Justin
Tuck’s pathetic attempt at defense the past two weeks. Keep in mind the Eagles have led the
league in rushing yards a game.
Brandon Jacobs, Giants-Well he’s pretty much a Linebacker
taking snaps as a RB, and it works pretty damn well. He will be a force on the goal line for sure, and it’s
always fun to watch him topple defensive backs.
Wide Receivers:
DeSean Jackson, Eagles-After taking a steaming dump
on the Giants special teams last year, he will probably be hoping for a similar
result. This won’t happen. Djax is a spoiled brat, who happens to
be really fucking fast, and the Giants won’t let him get open tonight. Although, the Eagles have plenty of
other weapons, such as Maclin, I’d still be worried with Vince throwing passes more inaccurate than Joel Anthony's mid-range jumper.
Giants Receivers- No specificity here. The Giants have
a good group of athletic receivers, and I’m sure they will do fine. Hopefully for Giants fans Nicks doesn’t
let another TD pass slip through his fingers.
Defense:
Eagles- The Eagles D isn’t even that bad, they’re
ranked 13th in yards allowed per game. What is bad though, is that pathetic excuse of a linebacker
core. They blow. Also, their defensive backs have been a bigger letdown than The Godfather 3.
Giants- The Giants D is ranked 18th in
yards per game, which is pretty shitty.
But they wont have to worry about Vick, and instead will have to focus
on the mongoloid man-child Vince Young, who has less speed in his step than
Chad Ochocinco (I don’t take Spanish).
Yea, the Giants D will probably do fine.
Results:
Giants win 27-17.
-Blaine Swaggert
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