Ray Edwards: A Man, A Modeling Career, and His Stripper

As of late, I've been less productive on this blog than Blaine Gabbert in the 4th quarter of an away game.  Well, don't worry, I'm back with an absolutely remarkable discovery; Ray Edwards, DE for the Atlanta Falcons, commissioned an oil based portrait of him and his stripper girlfriend.  And it's fucking hilarious.  Lets have a looksy here:

"The phone in my limo is broken, and I can't get a hold of my bitches"

Yes, I decided this picture was worthy of the extra large feature.  Besides the fact that it features a tattooed stripper (wearing nothing but dental floss) getting sweetly caressed by an NFL player, there is also a great back story.


Ray Edwards was drafted in the 4th round to the Minnesota Vikings and played pretty average for a few years.  He had a breakout performance in 09, and was then tossed about between teams where he eventually landed on the Falcons. He has played very average this whole season (2 sacks 23 tackles).  Along with this shitty play, Rays has been busted by the NFL for steroids.  Heres, what Ray hasn't been busted for, being a god damn survivalist.  He knows his career is looking grim, but he has an idea.  Something of wonderment, something of Man Vs Wild ingenious, something of boyish charm; why not try to start a modeling career with you and your bodacious stripper (and also commission some of the photos into hilarious paintings).  The results illustrate Ray's never back down attitude.

Ray's versatility, resilience, and ingenious provides a source of inspiration for all of us.  Let us hope for a lucrative and long modeling career for Ray and his stripper.  Wait, hold on, just found out her name, and it lives up to expectations.  LaStarya Thompson.  I'll say it again, LaStarya Thompson.  God Bless you, Ray, and your modeling career.

-Blaine Swaggert