Tim Tebow Has Mystical Powers And I'm Afraid

Let me paint you a picture: 2:10 left in regulation, Denver Broncos down 10-0.  Hope seems to be lost.  Broncos linebacker Wesley Woodyard (porn name?) is humbled on the sideline.  Tebow comes by  and goes, "Don't worry about a thing, God has spoken to me".  I'm not making this up, here, i'll prove it.  Tebow can literally speak to God...I say flag him.  That's illegal, no one else can speak to God so why should Tebow get to? Sure, he's turned down more poon that any man, anywhere, and has prayer circles on the field after games with the other team, but he isn't allowed to have two mics in his helmet.  Maybe I'm just afraid because Tebow is playing the Patriots Sunday and this game has classic Tebow written all over it.  Brady has thrown 3 frozen ropes all to Gronkowski (who definitely has more TD's than STD's now) to put the Patriots up by 14.  Tebow gets a message from God, "Hey my new adopted son, I promise you will win this game.  And I'm never wrong, because, well, I'm God",  "Thanks Stepdad I'll try to make you proud!" Tebow enters the game, all of sudden its OT.  Tebow wins the coin toss.  Tebow gets the Broncos in field goal range.  Tebow magically summons the ball through the uprights.  Tebow wins the game.  I mean maybe I could mount a comeback against the Patriots FUCKING TERRIBLE PASS DEFENSE, HOLY FUCK IS IT FRUSTRATING TRYING TO WATCH THOSE GODDAMN RETARDS PLAY.  Slater, McCourty, Ihedigbo, Molden; all go fuck yourselves.  McCourty you were so fucking incredible last year you made the Probowl as a rookie, and now your just proving that Sophmore Slump is a real fucking myth. If Mythbusters did a show on the Sophmore Slump, you would single handily fucking confirm it.  I hate you. I savored it when Pat Chung blew your shoulder into little pieces. I wanted to lick up your tears. 

Tim Tebow will light the Patriots secondary up like a christmas tree and will plow through our shitless LB's just like he did in college (Not until the fourth quarter, however).  I'm scared.  I'm so scared. I'm more afraid of the Broncos than I am of the Packers or Saints because there is so much shame, so much misery, in losing.  It is like God hates your football team too. 

-Blaine Swaggert