Cool NHL, We Get It...

Well NHL, if you want the Boston Bruins to win the cup every year why don't you just say it? Say we love the Boston Bruins.  Say we love them so much that we ensured them a playoff birth for the next 100 years.  Just go ahead and put the defending world champions in a conference with the fucking cellar dwellers.  If you have no idea what I'm talking about, Yahoo! sports is saying that the NHL has agreed on the new NHL Realignment.  Now realignment normally means to reorganize something, but in this case it actually deals with the insertion of a large dildo into the anus of the New York Rangers.  The Blueshirts will now be playing in a division of 7 teams, in the same division of New Jersey, Carolina, Pittsburgh, Washington, and Philadelphia.  (Yeah I know that's only 6 but my english teacher told me only to include evidence that proves my thesis and saying that the Rangers will still be playing the Islanders six times a year does about the opposite of that.)  Are you fucking kidding me NHL? Fuck you.  This is why you can't get any games on fucking ESPN, because you pull stunts like this.  Why do you hate the Rangers so much?  Because Tortorella verbally assaults your media on the daily?  Yeah Ok, I guess thats sort of a fair point.

So while the Bruins will be playing a combined 30 games against Buffalo, Florida, Montreal, Ottawa, and Toronto the Rangers will just be grinding and gritting it out as usual.  While the Bruins will continue to scout and draft European players like Lucic that are greasier than the BP Oil Spill, the Rangers will keep it close to home taking fucking Hardhat Lunchpail dude like the classically handsome Brandon Dubinsky (who apparently was banging one of the Cheetah Girls?), Ryan Callahan, Brian Boyle, Ryan McDonagh, etc.  So you know what Boston, keep your easy schedule.  While your at it, keep your Milans, Zdenos, Patrices, and Aviciis.  We'll take our hockey players from places that we can pronounce. The rangers colors are red, white, and blue for a reason.

Whatever, the rangers will just keep winning.  That's what they've been doing all season.  that's what they'll keep doing for the foreseeable future.  Anyway, a big old fashioned American fuck you goes out to Boston sports, and the NHL higher-ups!  I hope that musket fire from Gillette Stadium hits you all in the fucking face.

-ACL Blues