Knicks Offseason Update: CP3?... More Like JF10.

Sorry For the Mofuckin' Wait on this post bros:

Last week Yahoo! sports reported that Chris Paul had told his agent that he wanted to be traded to the knicks (Lets Go).  ESPN then later reported that these reports were false.  Either way, this is good news.  CP3 is a fucking star.  He's a Dwayne Wade-type, Melo-type, Leinart-type star.  He pretty much leads the league in steals every year (that doesn't necessarily mean a guy plays defense but in his case it does), and I don't even need to check the stats to know that the Knicks were last in points allowed last year.  Walt Frazier described it best when he said that the Knicks were playing a "swiss cheese zone" for about half... three quarters... the whole year.  D'Antoni thinks the best defense is a system where 6-9" weed smokin' Shawne Williams guards Dwight Howard and Fields guards everyone else.  But hey, when we lost games 130-128 the main problem was the ball rotation, and the fact that we didn't take enough three pointers.  The best defense is an offense that shoots 35 threes per game I always say.

However, how do we intend to acquire this Point God?  Would a package of Toney D, Shumpy, and Landry do it?  No.  It would not.  How about a package of Toney Douglas, Shumpert, Landry Fields, Billups, Roger Mason Jr., Rautins, Shawne Williams, first round picks from now until the rapture, Madison Square Garden, our two NBA Championship trophies, Walt Frazier (announcer version), Walt Frazier (player version), and the relocation of Under the Bleacher Report to New Orleans?  Then we may have a deal.  Seriously though, the Knicks will not have CP3 until 2012 (and even then he'd have to take HUGE money sacrifices to come to the apple), so please everybody shut the fuck up about it until then.  Lets play this season and see how everything looks and then we'll start the whining.  I cannot deal with the ups and downs of another Melodrama like last year.  We can, however, root for him to come here so we can get some more classy pictures that say: "We make a lot of money, but we also wear sunglasses and throw up fake gang signs indoors like those douche bag kids from New Jersey High Schools":

In addition, the Knicks refuse to acknowledge their need for an actual center and apparently have been interested in such hot free agents such as... JEFF FOSTER!  Do you like developmentally challenged 6'11 douche bags that can get you 17 minutes, 0 points, 3 rebounds, and foul out? Then Jeff Foster is your guy.  He's like a less athletic, less skilled, doofier, whiter version of our own drool-cup wielding center Jared Jeffries.  Also, Foster shot 56% from the line last year.  That's terrible.  White people have three constants in the game of basketball.  We grab offensive rebounds, we do not dunk, and we make our fucking free throws.  This dude is an exception to the rule.  Furthermore...well, I was going to make fun of some of his accolades but he has none.  Excluding his prestigious Second Team All Southland Conference during his ol' playin' days at Southwest Texas State, there's nothing to really commend him on or make fun of him about.  This dude's like the the puppy in the store that got rescued after it got hit by a car.  Its got 3 legs and you don't really want to bring it home because it can't play at all and is more of a hassle than it is a pet, but you have to stop and look at it for a minute.  Hopefully that's all the Knicks are doing with Foster.

-ACL Blues