College Basketball Article? You bet. Kentucky vs. UNC Game Review

I'm the most versatile blogger out here right now.  Football, hockey, basketball, college football, college basketball, baseball, golf, whatever you want I'm going to serve it up hot.  And by serving it up hot I mean that I would really really entertain myself and most likely let down the entirety of my readership.  But, I digress.  Kentucky just beat UNC by one point in Lexington and let me tell you those southern Kentucky Rednecks were out in fucking FULL force today.  I got nothing against a little day drinking at all, but I could pretty much smell the alcohol 1500 miles away coming from this stadium full of people named Cletus.  It was downright disturbing.  And by disturbing I mean impressive.  My mom recently vetoed my plan to apply strictly to SEC schools for college, which I was a little upset about, so I was a little biased toward Coach Williams and the Tarheels in this one. But, let's get down to the headlines of this one.

Coach Calipari is the man.  I would love these rumors of Cal to the Knicks to be true.  That being said, he definitely has committed in excess of 30 NCAA recruiting violations.  When 5-star rated 6'11 freaks keep banging down your door to come to a school that hasn't won a national title in 13 years you know Cal has to have the board of trustees throwing yellow hummers and NYC penthouses at these kids right and left.  He's cool but he's got this sort of sleezy look about him, not unlike that agent from He Got Game. Gold? Fuhgetaboutit.  Silver? Fuhgetaboutit, Coach Cal is going to make it rain more platinum rolexes than fell out of Billy Madison's piñata at his 3rd grade graduation party (I'm feeling these movie references today). 

Harrison Barnes was trying to be Michael Jordan down the stretch and just ended up with 14 points and 2 rebounds.  They're definitely going to need more from him if they want to bring home an ACC title.  Anyway, with 15 seconds left they call like the worst play I've ever seen.  They go to big goofy Tyler Zeller in the post.  He immediately loses the ball (not unsurprisingly) but it magically gets into the hands of John Henson with about 7 seconds left.  Henson goes ahead and just straight up panics.  He just tosses it at the basket without putting it on the floor, and it gets blocked by Anthony Davis.  Cue the announcers carrying on about how dumb it was for him to shoot it with so much time left.  Oh yeah? Was it dumb?  Well what would you have done with crazy alien unibrow coming after you?

You would have panicked.  I would have panicked.  People are not supposed to look like that.  Shit is disgusting.  In addition, the announcers said that a year ago Anthony Davis was a 6'2" guard thinking about attending Cleveland State, and that he grew eight inches in one year, making him a 6'10 Power Forward at Kentucky.  Are you kidding me? This guy must be an alien, and I'm not talking about the kind from Mexico.  Keep your eyes out for him, he's the type of creature that, according to my knowledge accumulated through Signs and Independence Day, can end civilizations.

Hmmm maybe I'll still apply to Kentucky though...

-ACL Blues