Sunday Night Football Round Up

Sorry this blog has been as inactive as Oprah Winfrey's cobweb vagina this whole week, but I'm back for a SNF round-up.  Tonight's game features such prized gems as: Ray Rice, Ray Rice's biceps, murdering freak Ray Lewis, complaining bitch Joe Flacco, Anquan "So Strawwwwnnnn" Boldin, Phil "Im a huge let down" Rivers, and the impressive Vincent Jackson.

QB Comparison: 


Joe Flacco: Hey Joe, no one wants to hear you bitch about how the Ravens never get on sportscenter because Tebow is in the way.  Tebow is more interesting than your boring ass Joe.  Sorry.  You are the most average quarterback in the league and it is no fun to watch.

The Rivers Family

Phil Rivers:  Before the season you were predicted to be a potential league MVP. You have played like utter shit.  You have the horrendous throwing motion of Tim Tebow, but you lack his ability to win.  Im pretty sure Vincent Jackson has every single TD you have thrown this season so I don't know what you would do without him, but it's probably about as pretty as your wife...

RB Comparison:


Ray Rice:  Ray, you have the biceps of a Greek God, the legs of a racing horse, and the charm of Drew Brees.  Why the fuck don't you get more snaps a game. Do I agree with you public complaint about not getting enough snaps? Yes.  If I was the Ravens coach you would be playing QB, RB, WR, and getting the rock on every play.

Gotta keep the tradition of putting shirtless dudes on this blog alive

WR Comparison:


Anquan Boldin: So Strawwnnn, doe.  Boldin is the toughest thug in the league.  The man played with a wired jaw and caught a touchdown like a boss.  Does this mean he is an elite reciever? No no, Anquan is fading but is still so damn strong.

Defense Comparison:


Fuck defense, it's boring.  The chargers have no pass rush so Flacco should be able to have a totally average game.  And there is also a rookie CB on V-Jax so he's gonna eat.  Hopefully Ray Rice tears through the Chargers because I love him, so so much.

Ravens win 27-21

-Blaine Swaggert