Top 10 Moments in Sports in 2011

Merry New Year bitches.  I've been out of school for a while hence the scarcity of posts because I can just sit in my bed and watch It's Always Sunny on sidereel all day, and important shit like that.  But Blaine and I figured that we would rock your world with a top 10 checklist of the top moments in sports of 2011. Yea, Blaine managed to find some precious wi-fi amongst the sweet rays in Key Largo to co-write this post.  And we really don't give a fuck if you agree with us or not, so feel free to whine about which ones I pick in the comments section.  Yeah, you like a little abuse, don't you?

10.)  Jim Harbaugh vs. Jim Schwartz:  This shit was just so hilarious man.  Big fucking 6'3" Ex-NFL player Jim Harbaugh jumping around and celebrating like Stevie Johnson out there right in the face of a small quiet jewish man.  Harbaugh looked like he had just won the annual pledge-hazing contest in his fraternity.  You could just imagine when he went over to Schwartz that he said something like "Jim Harbaugh.  Damn glad to BEAT ya, Mr. Schwartz!" before nearly ripping Schwartz's tiny arm out of his socket.

9.) Jerome Simpson A Re-Evaluation: Jerome Simpson appeared to be a washed-up, 8 pounds of marijuana horde-ing, idiotic athlete.  The next thing I know I'm watching Sportscenter, but something is off...I don't see Tim Tebow's virgin name on every slide.  Then the highlight hits me and forever changes my outlook on such fundamental concepts like gravity and physics.  Jerome Simpson's druggie ass flying over a helpless defender. His coach may not have been too happy about, but Jerome, you better make an impact before you get ass raped in the slammer Shawshank Redemption style for the next 8-21 years.

8.)  Matt Leinart Makes His First Start since like 1945:  You could just sense the amount of panties that were being dropped and thrown at their TVs by 18-35 year old women all over the nation in a desperate attempt to show the beautifully crafted QB how much they needed him.  When Leinart strapped on that helmet, he came out ready to play.  He gave it all he had for a quarter and a half and then decided that this whole "Starter" thing was not for him so he crushed his shoulder blade on the ground, and called his secretary (who's probably super hot) and told her to warm up the hot tub for that night because some USC alums were coming over.  He felt empty and purposeless when he didn't have that clipboard in his hands. We will always mourn for the loss of that beautifully crafted zeus-like shoulder here at UTBR, and may the spirit of the quarterback that is Matt Leinart live on forever.

7.) The Year of the Lockout: If we all thought Roger Goodell was a pushover douche during the NFL Lockout, we were all taken back by behavior of that lying chimp bastard David Stern.  So I guess what makes this list is that the Lockouts ended.  I mean if there was no NFL I wouldn't know what to do with myself, and if there was no NBA I wouldn't know what to do after football ends.  So thank god those pussy owners sorta got their shit together.

6.) Kemba Walker finishes his first book... Oh yeah and leads UConn to Natty Champ:  Kemba Walker is a freak athlete, and was the best player in the NCAA last year if you asked me.  In America, a person like this does not need to be intelligent, but it definitely helps.  Kemba, how the fuck are you going to tell everyone that you just read your first book?  Are you serious, man?  I'm pretty sure we all could have inferred that about you, but you dont have to confirm it man!  Derrick Rose hasn't read a sentence that doesn't say "250 million dollar shoe deal" ever in his life, but he doesn't need to go around bragging about that shit.  Come on man, what are you going to tell us next?  That you don't make flash cards to study for history tests? We know, Kemba, just keep it to yourself.

5.) Drew Brees' Record Season:  I dont give a fuck that the league has become a passing first league, what Drew 'Eazy Breezy" Bress did is still remarkable.  I may be so into Tom Brady that I considered asking for Uggs on Christmas, but that doesn't mean I dont respect the accuracy and precision that is Brees.  His record is incredible and great for the league, a little less on field celebration would have been okay though.

4.)  Chiefs beat Packers in the UTBR Super Bowl:  What a special day that was.  Romeo and Kyle took over...  Basically you already know how I feel about this and I'll move on before I head on another rant of misguided homosexual love for the chiefs organization.





3.) Peyton Manning Gets A Bitch Neck Injury And Brady Gets A Haircut: Hopefully you can deduce that this is Swaggert, and maybe if you're really smart you implemented deductive logic to realize that ACL has been writing evens and I've taken the odds.  I digress.  So Peyton Manning got neck surgery! Ha, the only injury I respect in the NFL is ACL injuries and turf toe. The neck isn't even important, trussstttt me, It's a bitch injury.  Also mah boy Brady finally got a fresh cut and has continued to put the team on his back, doe.

2.)  Mavs Crush LBJ's Dreams and Make Bosh Cry Worse than I did After Radio:  The Diiiiiirk!  That was almost like I won the championship because LeBron didn't win it.  When I saw Chris Bosh break down and cry I stayed calm on the outside and said normal things to my friends like "What a pussy!" and other slurs, my heart was doing backflips.  I was in LOVE with the misery being felt by the Miami Heat.  I would get down on one knee and purpose to that moment in time when LeBron was heartbroken.  THAT is how big of a hater I am.

1.) The Creation of UTBR: Suck it fuckers.  The best, and most comical, moment in sports was the pure and inventive creation of this heralded blog.  We may sound a little self entitled, but me and ACL are currently doing lines off of Beyoncé baby bump. Peace, we gotta go catch this party on P-Diddys yacht.


-Blaine Swaggert
-ACl Blues