Guest Blogger: Bernie Findyourpenis

So my shithead brother had clearly been dying to write a post for this handsome blog, but I knew he was too proud to ask.  He would bring up the idea of him writing a post, hint at how amazing his post would be, but he would never quite ask to write one.  He couldn't let himself admit this whole blog thing was a really good fucking idea.  Well, he headed back to IU to face the harsh realities of being a scared shitless pledge and the horrors of grain alcohol.  It's now been about two weeks since he last discussed the blog with me, and his bitch ass finally cracked.  Here's his heartfelt post. Oh wait, and no matter what any of the (3) commenters say, or anyone says to him in person, I'm absolutely positive he will be bragging to me how incredible this post was. -Blaine Swaggert

I was going to write an introduction but Blaine pretty much nailed it.  I will leave you with this, don't be fooled by this kid's use of shock humor, forced modesty, or super graphic images.  This kids a real asshole.  I've known him for years and he's like one of the cockiest, elitist, most over-competitive, obnoxious dudes out there.  He's also one of my best friends.  I sure know how to pick em.  Enjoy.
-ACL Blues

December 10^th, the night Christian Watford had sex with 24 women

When the time came for yours truly to apply to a place of higher education, I had 3 key criteria: a top a top-10 business school that would accept my extremely average 3.4 beer induced GPA and my above average (but not excellent) test scores, a university that consumes more alcohol per week than 80% of other schools do in an entire year, and a place where students cum in their Vineyard Vines khakis when it comes to basketball. The question that follows; Does Indiana University meet all of my demands???

Does a one-footed duck swim in circles?

Obviously I had my parents buy me the 270-dollar season ticket package before flying to the land of underage drinking and sluts that make your infamous high school tramp named Kendall who got finger banged during lunch period in the bathroom weekly look like Catholic School Girls.

The main point of this poorly written article is not about me; instead, about how I just witnessed a bunch of mostly small white kids who have the stature of Caleb Hanie in his pre-pubescent years, absolutely shove their non-athletic fists deep inside Anthony Davis and Terrance Jones gaped assholes. However, one savage 6’9 man stands above all others. Christian Watford (Note his name on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/christian.watford, sank a deep buzzer beater shot to finish off the Number One Nationally Ranked Kentucky. It is not shocking that Watford was the finisher, because all he does is bust nuts at IU. I have personally witnessed Christian “Savage” Watford enjoying himself four knuckles deep in an absolute typical IU skank on the dance floor of a soccer party in early October. One month later, my friend Drew and I overhear a girl say, and I direct quote, “I heard Jessica got railed by Christian Watford last weekend, what a slut.” The point I’m trying to make is, Christian Watford is a true American hero who slays more than (we don’t use real names on here but it rhymes with Pay Pipton) did at King.

To conclude, none of you are ever going to experience the feelings I felt when I rushed the court...

- Bernie Findyourpenis