Cristiano Renaldo Being Sold into (Sexual) Slavery?

I just checked Wikipedia and I'm fucking positive the slave trade ended in Spain in 1833.  So this new deal regarding the 26-year-old Euro-trendster is sort of shocking.  Apparently Portugal is so far into debt that they literally have to start selling the nationalities of their citizens to other countries in Europe. Ok, that source doesn't seem like the most reputable, but it was the first link off of google so you'll have to deal with it.  I read the first two paragraphs and pretty much it says that the minister of Portugal is pretty much forgoing any chance of ever winning a World Cup ever again, and selling the face of his country, so that he can play for Spain in the next World Cup.  They said that they're going to sell his nationality to Spain for 160 million euros.  Look, I don't know much about the Portugese economy besides the fact that they most likely produce soccer balls, hair gel, and male capris in bulk.  But, I know that our national debt is like 13 trillion dollars and 160 million dollars probably wouldn't even make a dent.  This leads me to believe the Portugese and Spanish governments are not giving the entirety of the details.  In this humble blogger's opinion, Renaldo could and will be sold into the underground world of sexual solicitation.  Imagine how much girls (guys?) would pay to have sex with this:

A lot.  If Spain was to sell this bod to the people from the movie "Taken", they would make a boatload of cash.  That's why I think the deal was more like "We'll give you 160 million now, and 40% of his uhhh... earnings once he gets over here".  Now THAT would pull Portugal right out of their economic crisis.  Hell, it may even revive the Euro, look at those abs.  Anyway, it got me thinking that I should write a memo to the president offering these ideas about athletes that we could sell in order to pay off our national debt:

Kobe Bryant- $400 Million to Italy: The Italians have probably had a boner for Kobe ever since he lived there with his dad when he was growing up.  They'll probably even sell the sistine chapel in order to pay us for him.

Dwight Howard- $300 Million to China:  Listen China, you have to cut your losses on that whole Yao thing.  He's undergone 16 knee surgeries.  Its just not in the cards anymore.  However, this guy's even better.  He's only 7'1" but he can jump over like 16 Mao Zedongs stacked on top of eachother.

Patrick Kane, Ryan Miller- $200 Million to Russia:  Sorry Pat.  Sorry Ry.  You're going to have to move into Putin-land for a while why we pay off these debts.  Yes, the rumors are true.  He will kill you if you lose.  Good luck.

Hope Solo- $150 Million to North Korea:  Kim Jong-Il has a monstrous porn addiction.  He also loves winning soccer games.  Watching Hope Solo play goalie is like both of his favorite things combined into one.

Tyler Palko- 4$ to Anywhere who will take him:  Yeah, I'm still mad about Sunday night.

There you have it.  Our debt will be a thing of the past.  By the way, this will be the last UTBR post ever that headlines a soccer player.  Mark my words.

-ACL Blues