Sunday Night Football Preview: Palko is On Primetime Again

Last year I had the misfortune of making the Varsity basketball team at my school.  I spent the majority of my time at the far left side of the bench hanging out with the Coach's 8-year-old son who was like my best friend on the team (Ok so he wasn't exactly on the team but he was probably as good as I was at basketball).  However, in the final minutes of our rivalry game, with us down 20, they put me into the game.  I played so terribly they pulled me from garbage time.  It was so fucking embarrassing I wanted to break one of the fluorescent gym lights and stab it into my jugular vein.  So, What do my athletic frustrations have to do with the Sunday Night Football game tonight?  This is the story of Tyler Palko's professional career.  He rides the bench for an eternity, then gets a chance on prime-time and throws 3 picks after I (over)hyped him up in the MNF preview.  After the game he was probably like "Well, that sucked but at least I can hide from 20 million viewers next week when we play on the shitty local Kansas City Network."  Poor guy didn't know he had to play against like the most savage defensive goons in the world the next week.

I feel like Tyler Palko and I would get along really well.  We both have awesome hair, great facial structure with high cheek bones, a noodle arm, and make very poor decisions when under pressure (for me its mainly when I'm at a party and my friends chant my name, and for him its throwing into triple coverage every time a D Lineman comes within 30 feet of him).  So while Mike Tomlin is running his straight up jailbreak blitzes tonight, and Polamalu, Casey Hampton, Lamarr Woodley, and that crazy asshole James Harrison are bumrushing poor lil' Ty, I will feel all of his pain.  Anyway, I have an inside source that is one of the Chiefs' higher-ups and he said that this is what Todd Haley's game plan looks like for his squad tonight:

Offensive Strategy:  Palko time.  Only 5 wide-receiver sets all night.  The only reason why we lost last monday is because the chiefs ran the ball like 30 times.  We can't keep this beast caged for too much longer and expect to win games.  We need to let all 5'11" of our favorite cute little Pittsburgh grad air it out all night long baby.

Defensive Strategy:  Dwayne Bowe and Jonny Baldwin said that they were working on drumming up  some Mizzou sluts to continuously flash Roethlisberger from the sideline until he inevitably rapes all of them, ruling him ineligible for the rest of the season and number one on the National Feminism Committee kill list.

Chiefs are +10.5.  I'd probably take the Steelers, but I'm not so good at these, as you can probably tell.  However,  if Haley sticks to the gameplan and lets our 28-year-old CFL dropout stud QB throw it around the yard a little bit, we might be able to, maybe, stick it out and..... lose by 50.


-ACL Blues