Thursday Night Football Preview: Crucify Tebow

It's Thursday night but it's still football night in America, thank god.  The Jets are playing in Invesco Field at Mile High in Denver in what is sure to be a good ol' fashioned non-consensual rape-beatdown hybrid.  Listen, I do not want to start getting political or religious on here at all, but if this contradicts your beliefs then I am prepared to lose you as a follower.  It's a risk I'm willing to take.  Tim Tebow is a pussy.  He is a virgin, and he is a pussy.  Now, let's be clear here, the reasons for which he is a pussy do not stem from the fact that he is a virgin.  The reason why he is a pussy is because he is a professional mother fucking athlete and he has blue-eyed blondes from Colorado throw themselves at him on the daily.  Even my ugly-as-sin friend managed to get like three quarters of a handjob from a girl in the back of his mom's volvo one time and he plays like JV Quarterback as a senior in High School, two towns away from mine.  Chicks love QB's.  Tim Tebow has 2 national championship rings and a cult of crazy Rocky-Mountain Aspen Ski Princesses that probably follow his every move.  What kind of man turns those sort of opportunities down?  No man, anywhere, ever.
That's why it's up to you Rex Ryan, even though my hatred for you burns with the white-hot intensity of 1000 suns, to make this QB atone for his atrocious sins against men everywhere.  I think I speak for men everywhere when I say that the only thing held in lower regards than what Tiger Woods did, is what Tim Tebow is doing currently.  You can almost hear the blue-balled screams of men everywhere when Tebow tells a girl "Nah baby I know, but I just can't.  I'm sorry."  As a kid who's lived 18 years perpetually in the friend-zone of beautiful women, I won't stand for it.  Do you hear me Jets defense? HEAR MY CRIES! AVENGE THESE MISDEEDS!
So for all four of you that stuck with me all the way to this point of the post without being too offended you're a real trooper.  Anyway, to wrap up here we'll go over the gameplan for New York's other team:

Offense: Broncos are gonna bring the heat with those two savage pass rushers off the edge (Von Miller and Elvis Dumerveil) so Sanchez should get the ball out of his hands quick (which won't be a problem for him because he only throws check-downs).

Defense: Stack the Box against the Broncos' Read-Option.  I'm thinking Tebow and his noodle arm may have a tough time throwing to Eric Decker when hes stranded on Revis Island.

I think the Jets are -5 this game so I (having absolutely no experience in the world of sports gambling... we're talking absolutely 0 here people) would probably take that.

P.S.  Time Tebow's still starting for my Fantasy team tonight.  That's right, I'm not above that.

- ACL Blues