Not all Quiet on the QB front: Rex Ryan gets in Dirty Sanchez's head, Orton Looking for a New Home, I still hate Tebow

Yeah, I write a lot about football.  Yeah, I neglect a lot of other important sporting events.  Yeah we haven't even touched a college sporting event yet (I'll write about how fucking awesome the SEC is soon, and the UNC vs. Kentucky basketball game next week).  But guys, I'm trying.  Can someone please tell Blaine that my two years of JV football (Varsity Kickoff) make me qualified to write about the NFL each and every day?  I totaled exactly 3 tackles in the 2008 season on kickoff so I was a regular Vince Papale out there.  If Tim Hasselbeck is PAID to be an ESPN analyst then I should at least get to write about football when I want to.  Seriously, the only reason I even know that he was in the NFL at some point is because when I would simulate fantasy drafts after the first 10 rounds in Madden he would always be my third string QB.  Literally every time.  Anyway, there's a lot of pretty hilarious news out there beginning with Jaba the Jet.

I have only taken a few little potshots at that big fat idiot Rex Ryan so far, but I'm sure you've picked up on my hatred for him.  I hate people that say, "Hey he's just a regular guy! He's like one of us!"  No.  He's not.  I refuse to believe that a "regular guy" in the United States is a 6'3" 320 pound dude whos undergone weight-loss surgery and who eats 7,000 calories per day.  Plus, has everyone forgot about the feet incident?  I won't even link that shit because if you haven't seen it, its disturbing enough that I will refuse to aid you in your search.  I cannot begin to tell you how weird I think foot fed people are.  Like what happened to you as a child, bro?  Were you forced to walk through like burning ashes and broken glass every day and then lick your own feet? This dude is a real asshole.  So the recent story goes like this: He started giving Mark Brunell, the 58-year-old QB reps as the starter this week in practice. You know what the perfect tool is to fix your starting QB who's lacking confidence?  Start taking reps away from him!  Threaten him! That's genius!  Last time he did that Sanchez said, and I'm literally quoting here, "I wanted to fight him."  So, when your team is falling quickly toward the cellar, you know what to do, create a controversy between your "franchise" quarterback and your head coach. But Rex guaranteed a Superbowl this year so he obviously knows what he's doing.

Kyle Orton has also been waived, and for some reason there's like a Kyle Orton Sweepstakes out there.  I mean it sort of makes sense when Ty Palko, VY, Leinart, Brunell?, Skelton, and Caleb Hanie are all starters this weekend.  Still, I mainly put this portion of the post in so that I could put these hilarious pictures of Kyle up (Can't you just imagine his college buddies pronouncing his name like Kahhhhhl brooooo):

 Alright this is getting long so let me rap this up with some more Tebow hate.  Jake "The Snake" Plummer said on some Denver radio show that: "I think when he accepts the fact that we know that he loves Jesus Christ, then I think I'll like him a little better. I don't hate him because of that, I just would rather not have to hear that every single time he takes a good snap or makes a good handoff."  Can we clap it up for the snake here, telling it like it is?  We all know what he was trying to say here was "I will like him a little better once Tebow starts slaying all those girls that really really really want him to fill them."  Tebow responded by saying something about how he loves Jesus like a husband loves his wife.  I guess that's honorable and stuff.  I still hate him though, and until he re-routes those beautiful women knocking down his door to my house, I will always side with this man:

The reason why I've been ripping the blog world so hard lately is mainly because I'm on Martha's Vineyard for Thanksgiving break and it SUCKS here, so being the selfless man that I am, I might as well give the people what they want.

 NEW UPDATE: Chiefs claim Orton, concluding their trifecta of the three most hilarious QB's in the league (I already told you about Palko and Orton, and here's Ricky 'Captain America' Stanzi.

-ACL Blues